taming ms. scarlett

Hello again

2010-02-09T17:09:00.004-05:00

I have missed posting on my Scarlett blog.I'd like to say that I did complete my last challenge to write thank yous.

It felt good to express hand written gratitude.
What about you?
Write any personal thank yous lately?

Challenge #12: Thank you

2010-01-08T10:52:00.003-05:00

Yes I've been neglecting my weekly challenges.
Tara (aka my home/plantation, for those of you illiterate Gone With the Windian's, shame on you) has been quite busy.
But I'm back on track again.
I used to be really good at writing thank yous. My mother raised me to always send a thank you card when kindness was received. Over the years, my thank you letters have fallen to thank you emails, and now to almost nothing.
I am a grateful person, and I want to express it in writing more often.

It is a gesture I don't want to lose.
So this week, after a holiday season of both giving and receiving, I will catch up on thank yous gone unwritten.

Will you do this with me?

Put on your party dress, Katie Scarlett O'Hara

2009-12-16T08:57:00.011-05:00

So this week is going pretty good,
compared to the last couple weeks.
Let's see, I finally started my Christmas shopping
(which makes the kids happy and hopeful)
delivered goodies to some friends (and might I add, it was a very pleasant experience to be in the homes of many friends whom I have known, but have never seen where they live?)
went to the annual church party (which was an interesting experience in itself- think American Idol try outs),
went to a friend's home for family home evening,
and our family even went caroling one night
(ok, we only went to one house).
So yes, I'd say being social is helping me de-stress.

Conversation has always been great therapy for me.

It draws me away from myself and allows me to focus on the other person.

Usually in that moment, I am able to forget any woes I have and be the happy me that I want to be.

Even though it might seem strange that while I'm feeling anxious or in a funk, I would challenge myself to get out and socialize... it honestly is what I know I need.
The hard part is getting out there whether you want to or not,

more than likely you'll be glad you did!

Challenge #11: get out and socialize

2009-12-11T23:46:00.007-05:00

Well, I've been in a funk the last couple weeks.

I think it's due to the weather, homework/class projects x5, and feeling overwhelmed with all that encompasses the holidays-- my stomach turns even thinking about all that is going on.
It's just too much.
Why oh why is there SO much going on during the SAME time of year that we want to celebrate the Savior's birth? I know it's fun to have recitals and parties and baking and gift buying... but I am so, so overwhelmed with it all this year. I'm going to confess a small secret: I have not even STARTED my Christmas shopping. I can't believe I just told you that. I have five children ... and not one gift purchased. I can barely keep up with the day to day "holiday events", when is there even time to go shopping? Anyway, this slump I've been in lately has also made me a little-hermit like when it comes to socializing. I've decided it's not helping my funk. I need to get out and take my mind off of all the things that are making my head spin. I went to a cookie exchange the other night and it took everything I had to make myself go. In the end I was glad I went. I was smiling and talking and I even wore earrings- now that's saying something.
So to continue on a good path, this will be my goal for the following 2 weeks...
Get out and socialize- even when I don't feel like it.

challenge #9 and #10: incomplete

2009-11-30T10:31:00.004-05:00

There, I said it... incomplete.
That challenge was WAY more
than I could handle during

parent/teacher conferences
Thanksgiving out of town
end of season soccer madness/parties
hauling out the Christmas decorations
dog events
a new calling at church
school bake sales
class concerts and parties
visiting teaching
my dog's hysterectomy
and a 2 week bout with insomnia

I'm going to deal with my junk another week,
so how was it for you?

challenge #10 : keep organizing

2009-11-24T13:22:00.008-05:00

Is it just me, or did life start to get really busy these last couple weeks?
I think part of it is the onset of the Holiday Season and the end of a school term for the kids.
Whatever the case, I was not been able to do all I wanted to do... so this week I will continue working on last week's challenge.
Tackling my own personal
junk yard

How is your organization coming along?

challenge #9: junk in my trunk

2009-11-16T07:43:00.005-05:00

If you ever thought I was organizedthink again.It's really timeto untangle this.This week's challenge is to organize, de junk or clean out at least 3 areas
be they
closets, drawers, shelves or boxes.
You need to do this with me.

challenge #8: completed

2009-11-16T07:24:00.006-05:00

Again, I found this challenge to be difficult-
but even more rewarding.

I will admit, I didn't do one of the 3 antidotes every single time-

But for the most part, I was pretty strict about making myself stick to the rule and lo and behold, it actually worked.

By the time I had to think of 3 great things about the person I'd just been critical of, I started to realize how much I admired him or her, and strangely I was led right into the other rule about thinking things through from their perspective and by then, I forgot why I was bothered in the first place. And even stranger, I was left with good feelings toward that person.

For me, this was a brilliant formula that I will hopefully stick to for the rest of my life.

Please share your experience with this challenge,

I want to hear from you.

2009-11-10T10:38:00.004-05:00

Last night I was laying in bed thinking about this goal.
(see post below)
I figured out that I need to have a little more structure in order to be accountable and actually accomplish something here. There's a big difference between good intentions and good results...
see, I'm getting to know myself so well :)
This is what I came up with:
When I find myself being critical of someone I will do one or all of the following:
1. try to see the situation from their perspective.
2. name three things this person does well.
3. do something kind for this person this week.

challenge #8: Critical Thinking

2009-11-09T18:26:00.008-05:00

I think we're all too critical of one another and ourselves.
Here's what I know about myself...
The worse I feel about myself, the more I tend to criticise others.
If I feel frustrated with ME, I project my frustration on others.
It's not fair.
Poor Capt. Butler and the kids often take a tongue lashing when I'm down and out on myself.
If I can replace critical thinking with positive thoughts AND service towards those I'm being critical of, I will feel better about myself while at the same time preventing a big slip in the negative

ditch.

This week I will work to swap the critical for the positive-
both in thought and deed.

Will you do this with me?

challenge #7 completed

2009-11-09T18:16:00.003-05:00

So, did you become greener this week?
This will be an ongoing goal for me.
One other thing I did this week was I bought another garbage can for my kitchen that I use for a make shift recycling bin. I find that I am more apt to recycle if there is a container right in front of my face. Even though my bins have always been in the garage, sometimes I would get lazy and throw recyclable items in the trash. So, it has helped a lot to have a bin in the kitchen next to my trash can.
I would really love any ideas you have on this subject,
so feel free to leave your tips.

baby stepping

2009-11-05T16:25:00.003-05:00

So here is my slew of bags,
do I keep them in the car?
What do you do?

No more brown paper bags, everyone has their own re-usable lunch bag.
I know, I am so far behind... but at least I've started the process.I would LOVE to hear from you-
what are some ways you've become a little greener in your home?

challenge #7: greening me

2009-11-04T09:04:00.000-05:00

This week I am GOING GREEN
Yes, I'll admit it.
I am an eh, so-so kind of environmentalist.
Like many things in my life, I have always WANTED to be better at doing my part to help the environment, but I continue to give a mediocre effort.
For example, I have wanted to switch over from using mountains of plastic bags at the grocery store to bringing my own reusable bags.
I wasted months just watching other people toting their re-usable bags in and out of stores, always thinking, "I should do that".
Now I will!
The last 2 weeks I have been collecting re-usable bags from various stores and finally, I'm on my way.
So, this week, I will find ways to go from goopy to green.

day five, six and seven of challenge #6

2009-11-03T18:33:00.001-05:00

Ok, Halloween threw me for a loop,

but I'm back on track now.

My last 3 gifts were:

made a dinner for my neighbor who just had a baby.
cleaned up a neighbor's smashed pumpkin.
took one of my kids for a special one on one date.

What a great week of giving.
Some gifts were better than others,
but all in all, it was great just to be serving.
I hope you had fun with this one too.
Please share your favorite gift.

day four of challenge #6

2009-10-31T10:09:00.000-04:00

Were you at school parades and parties all day yesterday?
With five kids, Halloween time can be very exhausting.
After costuming the children, baking pumpkin cookies, attending class parties, parades, and a trunk or treat (not to mention all the other daily duties that you all do as well) all I wanted to do last night was go straight to bed.
Capt. Butler suggested we go to the late show instead.
I wanted to say no.
We went and we had a really great time being together...
we saw Amelia Earhart
(not sure I would reccomend it, very slow moving BUT very inspirational).

OK, maybe that's not really a "gift" but lets face it, I was giving all day yesterday.

day three of challenge #6

2009-10-30T13:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I hugged and kissed one of my girls and told her every little reason I love and adore her.

This gift giving is great. I've noticed how aware I am each day to give- whether it's big or small. And each day I'm excited to see what I can do.

How are you doing with your gifts?

day two of challenge #6

2009-10-29T12:37:00.000-04:00

Capt. Butler and I delivered these to friends last night.
Don't forget to give today.

day one, challenge 6

2009-10-28T09:38:00.000-04:00

In order to keep myself on task, for the 7 day gifts challenge, everyday this week I will journal what I did for someone... because at the end of this goal, I will NOT say, "eh, so so" like I did on the last challenge.

Yesterday my gift was a listening ear.

A friend who is typically kind of chatty (bless her heart) called while I was wildly hurrying to make dinner and help with homework. She wanted to talk about rescheduling something, but I knew what she really wanted to talk about was her new grandbaby. So instead of quickly congratulating her and bringing the phone conversation to a close, I asked every single question I could think of about the new baby. I let her tell it all- the birth story, the baby's stats, and the other grandchildren's reactions to the new baby. It felt good. Sometimes I get too rushed and I only allow time for conversations I think I want to have.

Don't forget to give a gift to someone today!

challenge #6: gift giving

2009-10-27T08:32:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I saw a brief clip on the Today Show where a woman with MS was talking about how she was doing this program called "29 days of Gift Giving". She talked about how once she started doing small acts of kindness for others, her symptoms with MS started to fade and her health improved. She actually stopped using her cane to help her walk. You can read more about this here
http://givingchallenge.ning.com/
I too believe that if we can move the focus off of ourselves and onto others, in the process we can actually improve, nourish and enlighten our own soul.
I have seen this happen in my own life- and I want to see it again.
So, this week I will give SEVEN gifts.
The definition of "gift" is completely up to the giver.
It can be something made, baked, bought, spoken, written, gestured, and so forth. Nothing big, fancy or expensive starting today and ending next Tuesday.
Will you do this with me?

challenge #5: eh, so so. But I'll say completed.

2009-10-26T17:14:00.000-04:00

I wasn't a saint by any means, and my kids will tell you that.

But I did find some humorous alternatives like:

jammit

wordy

numb skull

I was glad that I at least made an effort to use different words.

And I was conscious of my language the whole week,

whether it was good or bad.

How did you do?

Challenge #5: verbal clean up.

2009-10-20T14:10:00.000-04:00

Damn it.

I'm late starting my weekly goal because I couldn't stop swearing-

which ironically, was my goal.

This week I will replace less than desirable vocab with cleaner, more thoughtful alternatives.

Please join me.

challenge #4: completed

2009-10-16T09:55:00.000-04:00

The Capt. and I hugged and kissed quite a bit this week,

I made all the heavy and meaty meals he likes,
let him watch baseball when MY show was on,

and I'm planning a small and frugal date tonight.

I'd like to be a little more vigilant with my goals.

Afterall, that's the point in setting them by the week-

to have better focus, work harder, and accomplish more.

How did you do?

coming along

2009-10-12T15:26:00.000-04:00

Well I promised I'd still work on last week's goal
and when I say I'll do something,
I usually mean it.
Get dressed: check.

Hair: check.
Makeup slathered: check.
accessories: check.

shoes not related to the flip flop: check check.
I've also been lovin' my man.
(this week's goal)
We exchanged love-emails today.
And went for our weekly Sunday drive without the kittens.

challenge #4: lovin' my man

2009-10-09T15:54:00.000-04:00

Yes, he is a hunk.

My very real Capt. Butler and I have been married for a while now.

And I'd say it's time for me to start sparking things up again. He is really such a good guy. I need to set aside the little things that too often get me in a tizzy and just focus on all his greatness and wonderful qualities.

So, that's exactly what I will work on this week.

I will praise him, kiss him, hug him, and tell him I love him.

Want to take this challenge with me?

challenge #3: failed miserably

2009-10-08T16:23:00.000-04:00

Glamour and I never found eachother this week.
I told you this one would be hard for me.
Can I use the excuse that I had a sick child for a couple of those days?
I will continue this challenge along with a new one this week.

uuuggghhh

2009-10-06T07:25:00.001-04:00

I knew this challenge would prove difficult for me...
does yesterday's left over mascara on my face count?

ok, I'll keep trying.

challenge #3: get dressed everyday

2009-10-02T15:35:00.000-04:00

This challenge may make you think ill of me.I am fortunate enough to stay home with my kids, but just unfortunate enough to find myself in my running clothes from the morning---all day--nearly everyday.
ahh, that felt good to confess.
Even though most days I bask in the luxury of being able to do so, it does affect my self esteem. I know I would feel better about myself if I took better care of me. And I'm sure Capt. Butler and the kids would like that too.
This week I will get dressed everyday complete with hair and makeup.
This is going to be a challenge.
Will you do it with me?
Oh ya, you probably already do.

Challenge #2 completed

2009-10-02T08:37:00.000-04:00

Wow. I have to admit, I had a really nice time with this challenge. I think there were a couple days last week when I was either in a hurry or too ornery to talk, but for the most part... I really tried to connect with someone, at least once a day. I had conversations with strangers about dogs, kids, work, health issues, where they're from, boy scouts, etc. It was really refreshing.It made me think about the reasons I don't always talk with others, and I think my biggest excuse is time. I don't engage because I have it in my head that it will take too much of my time. But what I remembered is, I can really share a nice moment with people if I just take a few minutes. And the time is well worth it. I feel enriched and connected- and that was exactly what I was hoping for.
As with most my weekly goals, I will continue to work on this.
How did it go for you?

2009-09-29T21:47:00.000-04:00

I really like her hair in this photo.smart and flirty.

quote for the day

2009-09-25T11:09:00.001-04:00

"thank heavens I'm not that modest"

challenge #2: chat

2009-09-25T08:16:00.000-04:00

I used to take the time to chat with strangers.
The clerk, someone behind me in line, another mom at the park or acquaintances at church.
I don't really do that anymore.
In fact, I take precautions to avoid small talk. I guess I justify it because my life is busy with a big family and most the time I'm tired and I just want to be quiet. However, at the end of the day I have lost out on moments to have necessary human interaction ... conversation.Now this wouldn't be any big deal if I kept to myself now and then(we all need quiet right?) It's when, like for me, you've been enjoying quiet for so long... you no longer desire/know how/feel comfortable to spontaneously engage with others. I know I have missed opportunities to make friendships, learn something new, or give/receive kindness.
Challenge this week: chatting.
I will ask questions or make comments to at least one new person each day, being genuine of course.
I'm interested to see what this challenge will bring.
Will you do it with me?

challenge #1 completed

2009-09-24T09:30:00.000-04:00

So... this week's challenge is up.Were you smiling all week?
I have to say, some days it was hard. I wasn't in the mood. And other times it was a let down when people would scowl back at me. Alas, I expected that. The reward definitely was when I would get a really positive reaction. You could tell they weren't expecting it, and most the time- it was reciprocated with a beautiful smile. It is a good feeling to give someone a little burst of happiness, even if it's momentary. A stranger's smile can say, "you're doing great" or "you look like a nice person" or even "I care about you, even though I don't know you."
It was a great challenge.
I want to hear how it went for you.
Keep smiling.

well then

2009-09-23T16:53:00.000-04:00

Feeling much better today.
Thank you to my 3 supporters.I went for a nice brisk walk this morning and while pumping my arms back and forth... I promised myself something, or rather I promised my dog something. I will no longer call her dumb-butt. I really do feel better today.
ps, I just noticed the cigarette in Scarlett's hand- and though I highly do not condone smoking, yesterday I may've considered it.

poor me

2009-09-22T15:08:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling kind of down and out today.What's the best way to lick the blues?

challenge #1: smile

2009-09-17T09:31:00.001-04:00

this week I willgive a smileto everyone I see.It's the amazing two-way gift.
You feel better, they feel better.
I can do this.
But it will mean smiling even when I don't feel like it.
And smiling at people who may not return the smile.
Will you do it with me?

laundry

2009-09-16T09:15:00.000-04:00

Yesterday a friend came over. I knew she was coming but I was not expecting her to stay and visit, otherwise I might've spruced a little, but again with my efforts to loosen up I decided to welcome her into my mess. Just some of the mess was laundry all about. Thankfully clean. As we entered my volcanic eruption of a family room, I digressed by apologizing (trying not to do that) but sweetly, the first words out of her mouth were "would you like me to help fold your laundry?" I loved that. I did not take her up on it (mostly because I am a strict mom who makes her kids fold their own basket of clothes) but the offer caused me to ponder, would I have thought to offer the same to someone else? It's not that I wouldn't fold someone's laundry, it's more would I have thought to ask? I know I would've thought to ask before I went crazy with 5 kids and life... but I guess what I'm saying is I don't want kids and life to be my blinders. I want to still be able to see outside my own box into the boxes of others.
So, another goal: be more aware.

progress

2009-09-13T18:24:00.000-04:00

A few days ago I took one of my kids to the doctor. We arrived at exactly 9am, the appointment time. We waited and waited. Finally I started realizing every single person in the waiting room, who arrived well after us, was being called back. My frustration was rising. Had the front desk woman put the charts in the wrong order- taking others before us? Was I waiting for people who were just now showing up for their earlier appointment? But with a serious effort to really soften my quills, I calmly made my way to the front desk. The random thought came to my mind to ask the receptionist if we were early for the appointment.

To which she replied, "actually, yes... you are 40 minutes early."I couldn't believe I had messed that up. It was my fault. And how relieved I was that I hadn't stormed up to the counter demanding an explanation for being overlooked.

I'm slowly climbing my way down the uptight ladder I've been on for over a decade-

and it feels really good.

de-prickling

2009-09-10T09:25:00.000-04:00

Last night while spooning the nest of pillows I construct for myself every night, I could hear Capt. Butler in the bathroom washing his face. Sloshing and slapping the watery soap all over himself, the mirror, the counter top, and the floor... none of which had properly made it into the sink. Just as I could feel my quills start to prickle, I took a deep breath. Normally, I might yell, "hey! calm down in there" or "clean up the flood before you come to bed"... not this time, instead I kept spooning. I was so comfortable in fact that I was nearly asleep before he made it to the bed. Then. My mind went straight to what I knew was coming. Wet hands and wet whiskers, with the inevitable soap residue. Have you ever had cold wet, soapy whiskers scratch along your jaw? I'm just saying. Before he could even put his head to the pillow-- or even think about rolling over to me, I let out the word... "ew". And then I caught myself again. This man hadn't even touched me yet, hadn't even had a chance to get comfy in his little nest he makes for himself... and I'm already ewing.

"what?" he asks.

"um nothing" I say,

because I am de-prickling. One quill at a time.

Feisty

2009-09-09T17:03:00.000-04:00

It isn't a bad word, or at least not completely bad. It means touchy, quarrelsome... full of spirit or pluck; frisky or spunky. See, not all bad. In a word, Margaret Mitchell's Scarlett O'Hara from Gone With the Wind was... feisty. And yet, I believe she wanted to be good. She wanted to be soft and gentle, thoughtful and compassionate, prudent and restrained- or at least have moments being such. The character of Melanie was introduced to mirror everything Scarlett was not. Melanie was all the aforementioned words. Scarlett hated her for it, not only because she wasn't those things- but mostly because the man Scarlett loved had fallen for every tempered and gentle part of Melanie. I first saw this movie when I was a little girl- maybe 5 or 6 yrs old. I don't know how many times I've seen it since, but everytime I do, I find myself in some of the scenes- cheering for Scarlett or at least understanding her. Not that I was ever spoiled, or even remotely wealthy... more in the sense that often her impatient, prideful and stubborn nature would get her into trouble. I admire her tenacity and her determination to get through hard times- you see that in her character especially as the civil war ended and she had nothing.

Thankfully my likeness to Scarlett's story ends with her restless nature- I am very happy with my Rhett Butler. Again, I need to stress that I don't believe being feisty is a completely negative thing- it's nice to know I can usually say what I mean and mean what I say. However, I'm searching for a certain amount of softness to blend with the spunk as my edges are often too rough.

I'm willing to put effort into this- to look for opportunities to restrain, think twice, and speak softer. I will do this through a series of weekly challenges/goals. I know I have at least 52 things to work on. Week by week I hope to uncover a really great person. I understand that one week is not always enough time to change or enhance something within me. But the point is to focus on one thing at a time for an entire week, and then as the weeks pass by and the challenges change, I will take with me the experiences I've had and continually work on past and present goals.

So,
this is the story of taming the
Scarlett
in me.